i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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