i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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