do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
