Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.

(216): View more from Ohio

whore

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead

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(480): View more from Arizona

I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours

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(905): View more from Ontario

He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate

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