I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
