he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
