I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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