i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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