what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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