420 ftw
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
