2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
