so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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