he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize