I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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