SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
