i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
