Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
