Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
