My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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