dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im holly from the hills drunk
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My dick has a subreddit
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize