Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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