Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I smell stomach acid.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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