Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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