After last night, I could never be a politician.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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