careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
