just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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