Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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