I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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