I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
