My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.