Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
