every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!