It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
