Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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