onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
