My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
