I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
