Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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