My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
