make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
