I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
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WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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