I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
