Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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