Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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