I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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