It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
