i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
