So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Holy sore nipples Batman
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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