its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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