yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
4 words: hood of his car
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
