I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
