i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
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This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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