I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Randomize
