This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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