Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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