We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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