When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
