I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
