her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
