Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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