Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
