Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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