Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
