I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
