just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
