I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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