apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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