I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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