guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
