Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
