I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
