I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
