we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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