the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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