Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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