i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize