he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
