i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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