you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
