Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
