But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
