i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
