I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
