um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
