he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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