No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
