I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
